Have you examined why you are in such a rush to start dating again? Are you lonely? Are you trying to beat your ex to find someone new? Are you really ready to date and find someone new?
Taking time to step back to figure out why you are doing things is important when deciding what is best for you. Until we get used to paying attention to what we think and why, we don’t understand our motives.
Why have you decided now is the right time to date? How does it feel when you think about dating again? How does it feel when you are making an online dating profile? Or even thinking about making a dating profile? Have you thought about how you feel when a coworker or friend tries to set you up with someone? Do you feel excited, dread, nervous, you aren’t very interested?
What now?
Learning to notice how things feel helps you ask yourself the right questions on your motives. If the idea of dating again feels great, not bad, neutral…go for it. Assess during the entire dating process and ask yourself how things feel and question why. This is actively living your life and checking in with how things are working for you instead of passively letting life happen to you. When you start doing this, you gain clarity. Clarity helps make better decisions.
Being lonely is something I see as a motive to date a lot. There is a void inside where your ex used to be. That person to share good days, bad days, get support, have meals with, text, ask what is needed at the store while you are there, someone to bounce ideas off of and honestly to have someone to do things with.
What does this look like?
I had a client who was in such a rush to beat his ex to finding someone new and then as soon as his ex got into a relationship he hurried to beat his ex to marriage because he wanted to feel like he was worthy of having that next step before her. This normally ends in a disaster because you are settling, not taking your time to do the work on yourself and figuring out what you want. Also attaching your value and worth to having a wife, puts a lot of extra pressure on you to make something work that maybe shouldn’t. Taking the time to sort out why you’re doing things, what you want, how you want it to look, your ideal partner and take the time to find it after cleaning up your baggage, sets you up for success in the future.
The Challenge
It makes sense why you might want to date again more quickly that normally you would want to jump back into the dating pool. Not having those things leaves a void in your life.
I challenge you to figure out if dating again fixes it for sure and how do you know. Have you done the work to fix the issues you had in your last relationship? Do you know what you want in a partner? Have you thought about it? Or are you going in blind to what you want in a partner and a relationship?
Want help trying to figure out if you are ready to date? Schedule a session here