Should I talk to my ex? One question that I regularly get from my clients. This is the hard part. You’re use to communicating with this person and you can’t anymore. Or at least how you liked to communicate.
When we stop communicating with someone after a breakup it helps us heal.
I know, WHAT!?! But it’s true.
When we stop communicating we are no longer fighting, no longer struggling to be heard, and the story we are telling ourselves is no longer as easy to come up with.
What I mean by this is, there are facts and story. Story is what our brains do when we aren’t paying attention. My instructor phrased this as, “when our brains aren’t monitored, it’s like a toddler running around with a knife”. We create stories in our minds to prove things are true. Example: she says I cause all the drama between us. This can simply be dismissed as bs because it takes 2 to have drama. There’s always an action that causes a reaction justified or not. But, what our toddler with a knife brains do is we create a story on why we did cause all the drama, we could have given in one more time, we could have done that thing we hated, we could have not said anything even though not saying anything felt like shit, but you wouldn’t be here now. And here sucks.
That whole second part was a story. None of it is fact. Nothing would have stopped the end result at some point and you would feel crappy while dealing with whatever it was you said something about. This would ultimately bubble up anyway, but I digress. Our minds like to prove really crappy things are true. This is the story we tell ourselves.
If we stop communicating, we are able to focus on ourselves and heal. Healing is important.
Breakups hurt. They are like an open wound. If you continue to communicate right after a breakup, it’s like scratching off a scab.
I know this is a hard ask. I would have told you that you were crazy had you told me to stop communicating with my ex. But I gave it 6 months. The first day and week were hard. Ok weeks…were hard, but I needed to stop. I was driving myself batshit crazy attempting to communicate.
After the 6 month no communicating, when we did it was nice. We still talk today and I firmly believe this timeout allowed me to heal. I cannot promise this will be the cause, however if you’re willing to do the work, you’ll have a better chance
What next? Try it. You can always try again to talk, but give it a full week off. After that, try pushing it off a month.
Here’s more tips on how to stop hurting after your breakup
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