Have you ever paid attention to how you communicate when you aren’t happy with something? Do you react or respond? Do you hear you don’t communicate well? Do you want to learn to communicate better?
Have you noticed how people communicate with you when they aren’t happy?
When we react, we cut the conversation short because most of the time we are not in a place to listen to the other person.
Maybe we don’t hear them at all because we are busy thinking of what we are going to say next.
Think back to a time where someone reacted to something you did or said.
How was that interaction?
Did you feel heard? Were you asked why you said or did something?
Reacting to things is normally a first instinct to defend ourselves.
But, true communication comes from responding no matter how angry or hurt you are.
Responding is where you listen and share thoughts.
Ask questions to understand why something was said or done instead of assuming.
Dialog is important in any and all relationships.
My friend reacted when I mentioned something was bothering me. I didn’t accuse, I didn’t assume, I presented the something wasn’t feeling ok in our friendship.
He immediately reacted to my comments, got defensive and went straight into reaction instead of responding to me.
I continued to respond to him no matter how much reaction I got, because responding gives him the opportunity to be heard which ultimately allowed him to come back from reacting into a place of responding so we could discuss what was going on and I could hear his perspective of it.
No I didn’t like it, I didn’t like his reasoning behind his actions any more after hearing his thinking, but, at least I’m not guessing or feeling like it was personal, because I slowed the conversation down and kept responding.
This takes a lot of practice because it would have been very easy to jump into the reaction pool with him and got into a yelling match, but then neither of us would have been heard then.
This week, try watching how you behave and those around you behave. When watching a new Netflix series or catching up on GOT (guilty) see how people interact. Are they responding or reacting? Once you can pick out what is happening you can adjust how you handle situations in your life.
Learn more about communication and how it can help your relationships in Words Matter as well as in Listening to be right
Do you want to try a session to work through how to communicate better in your relationships? Let’s talk about it…