After a breakup we are worried we will have the same things happen that hurt you before. This is totally normal to feel like you want to watch everything so you don’t get blindsided and hurt again. It is why we spend so much time looking for flaws you saw in your ex.
One way this shows up is looking for flaws or signs like you saw in your ex.
Check this out…say a new woman you start talking to shares some qualities as your ex such as, enjoys similar hobbies, the same foods, and watches the same shows. You might start to pick her other traits apart since you’re seeing your ex in this new woman.
This is how it slowly starts. Maybe the new woman doesn’t rinse the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher like your ex did. Now the new woman is being compared to your ex.
Nit picking and looking for the flaws will only make you unhappy and chances are, the woman you’re seeing will get tired of this judgement and pick her flaws apart and leave. We all know how it feels to be judged and even if we are trying to not show it. Especially if the flaws you are looking for aren’t there and what if it’s an insecurity and you keep judging it.
This is a recipe for disaster.
How to stop looking for flaws
Get rid of your baggage
- Give everyone a blank slate you try dating. Chances are you don’t like being judged, so don’t do it to others
- Allow someone to be who they are. Notice what you are telling yourself.
- Figure out what you actually want in a partner and honor that so you end up dating people you have the best chance of finding a match.
If you are ready to date, you aren’t spending your time comparing or looking for flaws your ex had. Trust yourself that you have learned your lessons. When you learn the lessons you catch the red flags faster so there is no need to waste your time searching for the flaws your date has. You can enjoy your life and dating. But, it’s important to do the work on you so you can live this way.
Struggling with this? Let’s chat
Breakup recovery going slower than you want? Check this out