Breakups never happen out of the blue. They happen over time even you “don’t see them coming”.
The signs were there:
- Was more time asked for?
- How was the communication stop?
- Did either of you begin not being home as much?
- Find excuses to be out or busy more often?
- Sex life slow down or stop?
- Was there any comments like: “it use to be more fun” or “you use to be more fun”? There can be any number of things inserted here.
- Were there more fights?
- Maybe one or both shut down
- Was there tension?
Many times we don’t pay attention to the little things that end up being big things in relationships. Concerns and actions are all over the place, but we don’t pick them up.
When this happens sometimes we feel our breakup was “out of the blue” but in fact it was coming for a while. We just chose to not see the signs or we tried too late to fix it.
I talk about this because my clients get stuck on how this breakup came out of no where.
They can’t get past it and begin to heal because they feel so blindsided.
It can foster resentment and even hate which doesn’t help you at all not does it help any future relationships as you will bring this baggage into the next relationship.
I give this assignment to my clients to go back in time and pick up all that was missed.
Write it down. What didn’t you see then, but can see now?
This allows for growth.
Seeing you missed things allows you to learn the lessons so it doesn’t happen anymore or if it does you have learned to pick it up quicker.
So, how do you go back in time?
It’s called a thought download. For 10 minutes you write down everything you can think of. Anything they said or you did (even if you just said it to yourself). it doesn’t need to be rue or what actually happened..
But, notice what happened as your relationship stopped being ideal. Go through your list and notice what you did or didn’t pick up then.
Was the relationship over out of the blue now that you’ve examined it clearer?
I’m guessing no.
Now, what can you learn from it for next time?
Learning the lessons allows you to move past the being stuck in the “my breakup was out of the blue” part of your breakup recovery.
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If you are still struggling with your breakup pain, check this out