As we have become more busy as a society, we have forgotten what friends need and we need from friends. This has recently become more interesting in my life as I have launched a business. I got an email after having a short conversation with an old friend saying “I’m worried about you and your new business”. Now, this is rarely the best way to ever start a conversation especially if someone is going through something so new to them and on the furthest point of their fear factor.
After a couple of these situations, some block, drop, and roll on Facebook, I’ve decided maybe we have forgotten how to do the little things with our friends. Little things like reading the whole Facebook post when people ask for advice instead of the first sentence or two. Maybe read the post instead of the first person or second person’s comments. Share in their successes (like only) rather than only comment when you have an opinion on their ideas.
Unsolicited advice…Oh I love this one! Whether you are resident expert or think you are, your friends don’t always need to know how to do what they are doing better. Ask first. Here’s an example that I use with my friends, “do you need a friend right now to take your side and fight to the death with you right or wrong, or do you need an impartial life coach”? This allows friends to feel loved and supported instead of listening to another thing that’s not perfect in their world.
Ask your friends what’s going on in their world and listen to what they say instead of turning it back around to you. I read once, if you figure out how to turn things back around to the other person you are talking with and let them talk all about themselves, you are the one person they remember most at the end of a night when networking. If we do this for business, why not do it with friendship too?
Are you being the friend you would want in your world? Are you picking your words carefully so you aren’t having to say, “I didn’t mean it like that”, or “You took it wrong”? If this has happened recently, revisit the words used. They are powerful and can take something you meant to be positive and showing care vs. wow that’s uncool quickly. Being mindful of words can be so important to being that next level friend.
Be careful with your opinions. Many times the whole story isn’t shared with you. Opinions about their life can feel less than warm and fuzzy. Isn’t it their life? Telling others how they should live their life feels about as good as it does when people tell you how to live yours. Instead, embrace their life, celebrate it, cry with them if it isn’t going great for them, but stand there with the support you would want and need in your world. “I told you so’s” or “you should do this in your life” can fracture friendships, even ones you have had for years and years. If you decide to go this route, remember if they pull away, they didn’t like hearing it, which is ok.
Friendships are precious. They are the family where we get to choose the members. They are hand picked amazing humans you share the good, the bad, and the ugly with. They are the ones you laugh, cry, share looks across the room when you see the same thing at the same time. Slow life down a little and be the friend you want in your corner. Your world will feel better doing this too.