Have you ever sat down to think about what you want in your partner? What about what you want your next relationship to look like?
If you don’t know what you want, how will you know you have found it?
One activity I have my clients do is:
Brainstorm: free write exactly what pops into your head while thinking about your future relationship and the traits your partner has.
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Do not edit yourself let it flow.
Once alexa or siri tells you to stop, take a break. Wak outside, take a deep breath, and have a drink of water. This will give you enough distance to have clarity when you are scrubbing the list to what you truly want and what matters to you.
For example:
If you want someone to contribute financially, messaging someone who is still trying to figure out what they want to do with their life, doesn’t match your wants right now. Now, after reading this, it isn’t as important as you thought, remove it from your list. But if you do, don’t be mad if they aren’t contributing financially. You chose that it wasn’t important to have on your list.
Here’s another one I run into:
I want a beautiful/pretty woman. Ok great, but why waste a place on the list for that. You won’t pursue a person you aren’t attracted to. There is no reason to list this. Same thing goes with someone fit. You won’t message someone who doesn’t look the way you find attractive. Not every human fits what your wants and needs are in a partner.
Be honest and clear with what you actually want when scrubbing your list.
As you date, make sure your date fits your wants. If she does, but you realize your list doesn’t fit what you want, adjust your list. This isn’t set in stone. Dating to figure out what you actually want can be fun and a challenge. Don’t get so wrapped up in feeling like your first list will be your final list. Chances are it won’t.
There is nothing wrong with being selective. I’ve found when I settled, it was ok for a bit, but I was miserable long term. Single is better than settling 100% of the time.
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