If you are noticing things your date is doing that your ex did, you might not be ready to date. You are comparing your date to your ex…
The reason this is important is, when you are looking for things to compare, your date doesn’t get a fair chance to be themselves. You are seeing your ex or looking for traits your ex had.
This sets your date up and you up for failure. No one likes being judged or compared to someone else.
I had a client who put their ex’s actions on the new person in his life. She was compared to and assumed her actions would be the exact same outcome as his past relationship.
That is not fair. Your date isn’t your ex. She may not do any of the things your are leaping to because your ex is still on your brain.
How do you know you are comparing your date to your ex?
The first step is to pay attention to what you are thinking, noticing, and making it mean.
I know I talk about noticing a lot, but it is so important. When we notice what thoughts we are having, we can pick them apart so we don’t feel so crappy. If you start noticing you are comparing your date to your ex, you are able to step back, clear your thoughts and come back with clean thinking. This gives your date the ability to shine on her own without your baggage put on her.
If paying attention to your thoughts is a work in progress, check out how you feel inside your body. Does it feel crappy? Are you pulling away? Checking in with your body on how it feels gives you your first cue that you are thinking things that maye don’t serve you.
Making sure you have done the work and learn to pay attention to your thoughts and how you body feels while you are thinking about dating will help you have more success and go into new relationships ready and open to them without your baggage that will get in your way.
Are you still struggling with your breakup pain? Check this out
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