This is normal, but no woman wants to hear you talking about your ex on a date. One or two sweeping comments isn’t horrible, but more is going to make a second date not super possible. This is no different than you not wanting a play by play of her ex and relationship.
What bringing up your ex means is you still have baggage from your past relationship/relationships. Baggage doesn’t allow you to move forward clean and clear with the best possible chance of success.
How can you figure out if you are talking about your ex?
We fall into habits when we are hurt and upset. We as humans want to talk about it. This is great, but also continues to make you feel terrible.
Why does it make you feel terrible? Rehashing you relationship issues, your breakup, how horrible your ex is, the things she did to you, or how great your ex is doesn’t feel good. Talking about it to just talk about it without learning how to get past it, work through it, and come to some form of personal resolution is just talking about your ex to hurt yourself.
Try this to notice if you are talking about your ex:
- Notice what you think and say
- How you feel inside when you think and say things about your ex
- Ask yourself why you are thinking and saying this. Is it helping or harming you?
- Is what you are saying true? Is the full picture really true? Or are you telling yourself stories that hurt your own feelings?
Clarity of what you are doing helps you see it’s you that is making you feel badly not what your ex is doing, what she did, or your actual breakup.
This sucks and is great all at the same time. It sucks that you are hurting your own feelings, but at least you have control over not doing it anymore. If we have been hurting our own feelings for a while, it’s now a habit too. To help break a habit, notice what you are thinking, then try these tools.
Most of us don’t realize what we say or think. Once we start paying attention, we can get out of replaying the story that feels crappy. We will stop bringing up our ex regularly and begin the true healing process.
Trying to manage your breakup pain? Check this out