Why do we care what our ex is doing? Why do we keep checking?
I see this posted on social media a lot and it’s always discussed with my coaching clients.
The need to see what our ex is doing causes so much drama for ourselves. The thing that is most interesting to me is the statement “my ex is doing this to me”
Why is my ex hurting me?
Here is an example of what happens in my coaching sessions:
Client: My ex is doing this to me
Me: what do you mean?
Client: she’s posting this stuff on her social media to hurt me.
Me: what stuff?
Client: She went to the beach with friends and her weekend trip. She also posted some of her food pictures when she was out.
Me: how does this hurt you?
Client: It’s her showing me I didn’t matter because I’m hurting still. She is showing me our relationship didn’t mean anything because she’s out just living her life without a care.
Me: No, that’s not what it means, it’s YOU making it mean that. Thinking that is causing you more pain while she is choosing to live her life how she wants to.
This is something I hear more often than I wish. When you keep checking out her posts or messages, you are giving yourself so much pain that isn’t needed because of the stories we tell ourselves. See more about the stories we tell ourselves and how it hurts us here.
Have I created a habit?
If you check what your ex is doing long enough, or often enough, you create a habit. Once it is a habit, it now needs to be broken.
Imagine a habit you have that hurts your feelings any time you do it, and because it’s a habit you can’t stop. Once it’s a habit sometimes you don’t realize you are doing it and only notice you feel crappy during and after you do this habit.
If you are in this place check out some breaking habit techniques
All in all, we do not need to know anything our ex is doing. It literally adds zero value to our lives. It hurts us, makes us angry, and makes us think really crappy thoughts.
It keeps us in breakup pain longer than we actually need to be.